Stranger friend, yes stranger just because I still do not know you, still do not know who you are or where are you really. For now I am just here sit in the same damned spot as before and, also, locked in the same damned room… it feels like home but should not be like this at all.
Days have gone by. December has arrived and now is almost gone as well. I remember a little about our last letter and now just have to say that I am sorry, I am not dressed up today, no heels no makeup, I am even worse than the very first time when this just begun.
I did not expect at all to write you today, my eyes getting freaking wet again, I can barely look but worst, I can barely believe what irony or what the power of today had left for me, I was just there in a very artificial way gaming and surprise! Found out how great is old Mr. G having his times, how happy he has come to be, but do not misunderstand dear, I like the fact what I do not is what is really up to me, I have not moved I am again just here with this killing agony that I have chosen to forget that exists, you understand now how sad then I started to feel… But just right after that feeling I realized that he may deserve that happiness, just this time I did not need a mirror to see myself, so by now I have no words to say, I just know Mr. G came when maybe he needed me and all I needed was to believe again, I trigger his new, but some way old, chic and after all I am no longer mad about his faking ways, poor –old- G he did not know how to behave in our particular situation, and is no longer important, well dear you see I was not in love I already knew it just chose to think world was pink but was not, in the other hand I have always hate lies and fake people so that made quiet mix in my head… so yes dear, I have changed my mind, I am glad the way that today he is being but that is all I am going to say about him, since we are no longer even friends.
Now for myself I know somehow you already know. The mysterious physical distance kills a lot. Even the silence, the tears, the loneliness that I have forced myself to forget, come back once in a while again. What has been twisting my mind is just the mistake we all do, the way we cheat ourselves to believe that the way we live is okay, when days go by and there is no change, I was fighting inside, getting high, fixing or just filling me you know the way but suddenly realized “yeah in the same room I remain”. I thought there was no space for someone else but irony showed me that a far away stranger could be also here with me, now you know that where this stranger is, is just right next to me.
So dear, I look like a nut today but despite there is cold, irony, sadness and regret, even though I am in pjs, barefoot, without sweater on a Christmas day, yes I can look around and I see you/him (the stranger) mixing the reality with the fantasy, showing me the sense so then I do not desperate because I have learned that dreams can get real just when they have to be so then they will last for more than just a selfish fantasy and will make you give away yourself for an eternity…
Smile my dear, Mr. G was really Mr. J and after all was mixed I met the real G and he is real he is not a fantasy. And yes! He just came to me simply because he had to be here.
So I thank you dear, thank you for being here.
Coconut-skin, changing the scheme here.